Chapter 7: Video

Chapter 7: Video

Despite the fact that it was now the middle of the night, and Jacob and I really should have been sleeping, we couldn't bring ourselves to even think about leaving. After my little nap earlier, I wasn't even all that tired; and there was no way I was letting my mom out of my sight any time soon.

We talked... and talked... and talked, about anything and everything. Jake and I told stories of our adventures over the years that often had the rest of the family in stitches, and then Emmet would crack a joke, or Alice would tell us about something similar that had happened to them, and we would be laughing too. It felt so good to laugh, to just be happy without feeling like the feeling was only temporary.

It turned out that Momma had taken one look at Jake, standing alone on the balcony leading off the living room, and thought that he had somehow tracked them down without me. Of course, she immediately jumped to the worst case scenario and thought I was dead. I made sure to stay very close to her for the rest of the night, for her sake as well as mine; every few minutes, I felt her hand brush against my hair, as if she were convincing herself that I was still there.

Jacob had been home while I was sleeping to grab us both a change of clothes. I didn't realise, until he started making his 'I’ve-done-something-I-shouldn't-that-will-make-Nessie-mad' face, that he was holding something behind his back. Of course, I noticed, although I was looking the other way and he probably thought I couldn't see.

“Jacob,” I said sweetly, during a break in conversation. “What are you hiding?”

He smirked. “Can't keep anything from you, can I?”

I grinned. “Nope. Now, show us all why you look so guilty.”

His smirk still firmly in place, Jake withdrew a silver disc in a blank jewel case. 'June 2014' was scrawled on it in black marker. I gasped.

“You didn't.” I growled, trying to sound menacing. He just kept smirking. Then he started towards the TV... and the DVD player.

“Don't you dare!” I yelled, springing up from the couch and jumping at him. He laughed, dodging my attack effortlessly and holding the disc just out of my reach. I could hear everyone laughing with him as I jumped, trying to get it, but always missing by a fraction of an inch.

“Jacob Black, give me that disc right NOW!” I half screeched. His hand came down a little, and I thought he might actually give it to me.

I was wrong.

Jacob flicked his wrist slightly, sending the disc spinning like a Frisbee across the room towards Uncle Em, who stood waiting by the television, much too far away for me to stop him. That didn't mean I wasn't going to try.

“Emmet, if you play that disc, I swear to god, I will find where you guys keep the matches.”

Emmet smirked just like Jake, and slid the disc into the player. I snarled, but my shoulders slumped. I was defeated, and I knew it. Daddy chuckled and got up, pulling me back to sit between him and Momma on the couch.

I didn't know exactly what was on the disc. Jacob had bought a little digital video camera soon after we were separated from everyone else, so he could document my growth better, and he still brought it out for important occasions, like birthdays and Christmas. Of course, most of the film was of me, with some shots of him that I had taken; there was a limit to what you could do with only two people. The date put the footage at some time after my growth stopped, so there couldn't be much. Nothing important happened in June... that Jake would be filming at least. It was before Billy died, so it wasn't his funeral or our visit home. We hadn't been on an interesting vacation that summer, so that wasn't it either. In fact, I was at a loss to how he could have a whole disc just for that month.

The screen lit up, showing a generic stairway. The person holding the camera was climbing the last few steps, but stopped when they reached the landing. There were no lights on, but I remembered the house; there was a window at the end of the corridor that gave light to the whole space. A full moon could light it up light daytime.

The door opposite the stairs was open a little, a warm orange glow spilling out into the landing and contrasting with the silvery sheen of the moon. From this angle, the camera had a clear view of the room; specifically, the little window that looked out onto a star-lit sky, and the figure kneeling below it.

My stomach dropped as I realised what it was. I glanced at Jake, and he was looking at me.

“I grabbed it at random,” he whispered, and the pained look in his eyes told be he was telling the truth. “We can turn it off if you want.”

I looked back at the screen, at my almost–seven–year-old self. I shook my head. “Leave it.”

He nodded, and Daddy, sensing my distress, pulled me closer to him. Momma moved with me, gripping my hand tighter, so that the three of us were huddled together, barely an inch between us. There was silence as we watched, and I remembered.

I knelt below the window, taking slow, deep breaths. It didn't matter how many times I did this, it never got any easier. The candle was lit, sitting on my window sill and flickering slightly. I held my locket in my hand, open, staring at the little photograph, and the inscription that was both a promise and a memory; the last words my mother spoke to me, and the measure of her love.

I brushed my fingers over the face of my father, studying the details of his smiling mouth, his eyes sparkling with love, his crazy hair that matched mine, his strong arms wrapped around my mother and I. A tear welled up and spilled over at the memory of him, so much stronger today than any other day.

I folded my hands around the locket, clasping it closed as I laced my fingers together in prayer, just the way Grandpa Carlisle taught me.

“Hey Daddy,” I whispered. I prayed often, but my prayers were hardly ever directed at God. Usually it was my mother and father, but sometimes I prayed to the others as well. Today though, it was Daddy.

“Happy birthday,” I smiled. “I’m so glad Jacob helped me find out when you were born. It makes me happy that I can do this for you too, after all these years of just doing it for Momma. I know you must feel left out.” I paused, taking another deep breath.

“I never know what to say when I do this; I get all tongue tied and nothing sounds right. So I guess I’ll just stop talking and get on with it.”

I released one hand, reaching out to click play on my little iPod dock, which sat beside me on my bedroom floor. The music began, only a single note leading me into the lyrics of the song I wanted to sing. I began, barely whispering, hoping Jake was still out on patrol and wouldn't hear me.

“God,

Our heavenly father.

Oh God,

And my father, who is also in heaven.”

My voice nearly cracked, but I carried on regardless.

“May the light,

Of this flickering candle,

Illuminate the night the way your spirit,

Illuminates my soul.

Papa, can you hear me?

Papa, can you see me?

Papa, can you hear me in the night?

Papa, are you near me?

Papa, can you hear me?

Papa, can you help me not be frightened?”

I had closed my eyes, and I opened them, kneeling up and staring out at the stars as I sang. I clutched my locket to my chest, holding it over my heart; right where my family was.

“Looking at the skies,

I seem to see a million eyes,

Which ones are yours?

Where are you now,

That yesterday has come and gone,

And closed it's doors?

The night is so much darker,

The wind is so much colder,

The world I see is so much bigger now that I’m alone.

Papa, please forgive me,

Try to understand me,

Papa, don't you know I had no choice.

Can you hear me praying?

Anything I’m saying,

Even though the night is filled with voices.

I remember everything you taught me,

Every book I’ve ever read,

Can all the words in all the books,

Help me to face what lies ahead?

The trees are so much taller,

And I feel so much smaller,

The moon is twice as lonely and the stars are half as bright.

Papa, how I love you.

Papa, how I need you.

Papa, how I miss you,

Kissing me,

Goodnight.”

I broke down, unable to hold in the tears any longer. They flowed down my chest as I doubled over, only just managing to shut of the music before the grief had me in its grasp for good.

The room remained silent as we watched the video. Jake turned the camera away from my crying form, and the screen went black for a moment before coming back on, showing an image of Jacob sitting down on his bed. He had obviously set it up so he could talk to the camera.

“Hey guys,” he said, speaking softly; trying not to wake me, no doubt. “I just wanted to say something, in case you ever get to see this. I plan on you seeing all this stuff I’ve filmed; that's kind of why I’m doing it. But Ness isn't so sure.” He laughed nervously. “In fact, she's pretty convinced that you're all dead. I don't blame her, I mean... seven years without any kind of contact... I would probably have the same reaction. Anyway... I just wanted you to know, this is not the first time she's done that. She thinks I don't know, but I hear it, every time. She sings a song, usually the same one, but sometimes it changes, every year on the day you disappeared, and on Bella’s birthday too... and Edward’s now as well, I guess.” He sighed, scrubbing his face with his hands and running them up into his hair.

“I wish I could help her,” he mumbled, staring at the floor. “But I have no idea how. I wish you guys were here... but then there would be no problem.” He chuckled. “If you ever do see this... you sure took your sweet time. We've been worried sick.”

Someone paused the video, obviously deciding we had seen enough, and everyone laughed at Jake's last comment. I realised I was crying again, and I wiped at the tears, trying not to attract any notice; but, of course, Momma and Daddy saw it. They exchanged a look over my head, then both stood, taking me with them as they left the room. No one made a move to stop us, settling back into idle chatter. I heard Emmet say, “So Jacob, what else you got on film?” before I couldn't hear any more.

My parents led me through the house, back to the room where I had woken up; I realised that it must be theirs. Momma sat down on the bed, pulling me down next to her, and Daddy sat on my other side. I sniffed and wiped at my tears again as she wrapped her strong stone arms around me and held me tight while he stroked my hair. Happiness flowed through me as the realisation that this was really happening fully sunk in – which made me cry harder, though the tears were happy now.

“Shh darling, shh,” Momma whispered, rocking me a little like Daddy had done earlier. “We're here. You're okay.”

I nodded mutely, too choked to speak.

“She knows,” Daddy murmured, leaning in to kiss my forehead. “She's happy now.”

I nodded again furiously, and both of them laughed. Momma sighed.

“I'm sorry you had to go through that Renesmee. I wish we had been able to find you sooner, but we've had to lay low for a while, just in case. I didn't want to put you in more danger, but believe me, I would have been there in a heartbeat if I knew how much you needed us. We both would.”

“It's okay Momma,” I said, finally finding my voice. “I understand. We've been in the same boat, trying to keep a low profile, moving on when people get suspicious. That was a bad time, I guess. Emily had just had her baby, and Billy was ill, and... I was just stressed out.”

“Have you been in touch with the pack?” Daddy asked, sounding surprised.

I nodded. “Jake still talks to Sam, although he might end up being able to hear everyone soon. Sam’s thinking of quitting, which will make Jake the only Alpha.” I smiled, because the idea was inexplicably exciting to me.

“Have you been back?” Momma prompted, looking at me with tense anticipation.

I nodded again. “Once. For... Billy's funeral. That was two years ago, but we haven't gone before or since. Jacob thought it would be too dangerous. Everyone's doing well.” I smiled wider. “Grandpa and Sue got married.”

Momma smiled back. “Really? I knew they were getting close, but I didn't realise they were together.”

“Well, they are. Grandpa's an honorary member of the tribe, and they told him all the stories. He knows everything.” I remembered the bonfire that we had gone to after the funeral. Sam and Jacob had taken the place of Billy and Old Quil, who was too old to come up to the cliffs now, telling all the old stories about the origin of the wolf pack and their interactions with the Cold Ones. Then Emily had taken over, telling a new story, about the Cold Ones who were different from the others, and the special human girl who made them work together and turned them into allies instead of enemies. Daddy chuckled.

“What is it?” Momma asked, tilting her head to look at him.

“They wrote us into the legends.”

“Really?”

I nodded. “The story of the Golden Eyes. We're all in there, even me. It's all about the things you did when you lived in Forks, from the very beginning to the division of the packs and the Volturi coming. Emily got it all right, pretty much. She seemed kind of nervous, since I was there, and she asked me if anything was different when she was done.” I laughed. “I told her I didn't really know, because I wasn't around back then. That made everyone smile, which was nice. They hadn't smiled very much that day.”

Momma smiled. “I’d like to hear that story. Maybe we can go back and give them a visit for Spring Break.”

I laughed. “That would give Grandpa a shock for sure. I hope I’m there to see his face.”

We laughed together, then I cuddled into Daddy and closed my eyes, sighing happily when Momma joined our embrace. Everything felt so much better than it had this morning.

I realised that I was very tired. It had been such a long day, with so much going on, and I wasn't even sure that I had gone to sleep until I began to dream of bonfires and magic stories.